#6. Resolutions - People and Their Brilliance
“I’d like to think that if I wanted something to change, I would just do it.”
In this compact edition of What’s Your Work, the team starts off the New Year thinking about resolutions. What is this practice of New Year’s Resolutions? And how come it never works? The conversation also turns to habits, how they get created, how to sustain new habits and letting yourself fail as part of the journey. Thinking of connections for yourself - what are your habits? What happens when you try to affect change in your life? And what would you like to try and shift for yourself moving forward?
Listen to full episode :
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This is a good episode to come back to at the beginning of the year, this natural point in the calendar where we look both backwards and forwards. Whatever year you’re arriving here, if you’re wanting to look backwards first, try listening to our episode on End of Year Reflections here.
Interested in the topic of Resolutions? We have more on our website in this blog post which you can read here.
Alex worked as a Recruitment Administrator for People and Their Brilliance and is now continuing to work part time in recruitment whilst pursuing her career in music. You can connect with her on LinkedIn @Alexandra Purpura.
Casey is currently working in digital marketing and is due to graduate from the Kickstart scheme in May. You can connect with her on LinkedIn @Casey White.
Henry is currently working in digital marketing and recently graduated from the Kickstart Scheme. You can connect with him on LinkedIn @Henry Dewar.
Todd worked as a Training Administrator before graduating from the Kickstart Scheme. You can connect with him on LinkedIn @Todd Wheatland.
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Darius Norell
Okay, so we're gonna do a short session today, looking at this topic, beginning of the year, typically we make resolutions or when people make resolutions. So quick check in, what's your experience of doing that? Of either making resolutions or seeing other people make resolutions?
Henry Dewar
I've never done any, but I've seen people doing them and always fail.
Darius Norell
that might be reasons for not doing them.
Henry Dewar
Yeah, well, I just have a different way of seeing those things, like thinking about those things. Because I think it's more about sort of establishing a habit. Instead of saying I'm going to do this thing and having unrealistic expectations.
Darius Norell
Great. That's exactly the direction we're going to go in. Other other reactions to resolutions.
Todd Wheatland
I don't really have a specific goal, like at the end of the year but yeah, like to take a moment to like, reflect what happened during the year. There's a lot of people do that.
Darius Norell
Okay. So what why do you think people make a resolution?
Todd Wheatland
Just something to aim for?
Darius Norell
Okay. Great. Other comments, inputs?
Alexandra Purpura
I feel like maybe, I feel like I should make resolutions. Because other people seem to
Darius Norell
lovely, yeah. So maybe maybe I should because other people are. Next.
Alexandra Purpura
I think I don't think about it anymore. Like I used to. Yeah, it's just something used to now I don't even talk about
Darius Norell
Because?
Alexandra Purpura
I’d like to think that if I wanted something to change, I would just, I would do it. I wouldn't wait for a new year.
Darius Norell
Good. Okay. All right.
Unknown Speaker
Yeah, I think just having seen people's attempts over the years, it's made me quite sad now! The whole resolution thing, just feels like, I think it's like, tinged with this thing of "inn the future, I'll be, I'll be a different person, and my life will be better." And it makes me sad.
Darius Norell
Because it doesn't happen.
Harry McMullen
Yeah, and also the thing of "I'm gonna be completely different". I know I've been in that mindset, because I'm struggling to see anything that I like about myself as I am. Quite sad because, you know, starts as like "New Year New Me!" and by February, it's like "I hate myself."
Darius Norell
It's still the old way.
Harry McMullen
Yeah, I still need to keep myself company every day.
Darius Norell
Nice. So I think you've already touched on kind of the key ingredients of what I wanted to touch on, which is, I think New Year is a bad time to make resolutions. But the idea you think about what the word resolution is that your resolute unwavering in something. And the idea that kind of on the spot or that particular moment of time, you're suddenly going to decide, oh, I'm waver on wavering in this. I guess this is going to lead to failure. And this idea of okay, well, I'm in this state now, because I decided something I'm now going to be in that state and I know we're gonna fail and then we do fail. And then we lose heart and suddenly we wouldn't be there for so. Instead, I had this thought is okay, so do we just chalk resolutions out the window and just go to the habit model that so I'm going to talk about, because that's where I went to first. And then I thought of something else, which was, what if it was a time for recognising resolutions that we'd already made? What am I already resolute about? That I could make decisions which are going to support the resolution, rather than making any resolution? It's going to how am I going to strengthen and create good conditions for the resolution that's already there? Does that make sense as the difference and then I think it's very different to me I felt very different when I started doing that for myself. So I'd love to Yeah, anyone anyone got any I know it's on the spot. But if you were doing that, and looking at okay, what am I already resolved around that I want to create better conditions for my life? What what might come to mind as an example? question please.
Alexandra Purpura
Does this mean like something that's active that you're doing or that you'd like to do matter or or something like? So I'm struggling to try and relate it to anything in my life.
Darius Norell
It's making me smile. But this for some reason? Because I hear that so I'm not resolved about anything and knowing you, I think you are. So I'm -
Alexandra Purpura
Could you define the goal then?
Darius Norell
What are you clear about in your head? That's kind of, you know, you're gonna bring all of you to look, this is important to me. And I stand by it. And you can put all sorts of pressure on me, I'm not gonna let go of this, because I've resolved this is something a direction I'm going in, something's important to me a commitment I've made that I'm not going to give up easily. So you do have Yeah, things like that. Yeah. Yeah. So is that is there any more to your question? Okay, great. So what would be what would be a resolution that you've already made? That you could recognise that you may mean, maybe acting on to some greater or lesser degree, right, because we still may not be acting on it much, even though the resolution is that? What zoom will give an example we could work with, John? Great. Okay. So that's, that's a resolution. I mean, your total energy was like, yeah, hey, that's, that's important for me. Yeah. And so you're resolved to make that happened for yourself, you're in work now for a period of time. And it's like, okay, well, this period finishes, I want to, I want to make sure I've got something else. Okay. And so the idea of taking action now to create good conditions for that to happen. Make sense? Yeah. Has anything come to mind that would be supportive for you? What would help you fulfil that resolution? What kind of what things could you do? That would help that resolution? You live that resolution?
Todd Wheatland
So I coming to the end of my placement now. So I do need to put that?
Darius Norell
Towards the end of it. Great. To speak to you. Okay, so actually getting some clarity about what's going to happen? What else?
Alexandra Purpura
To keep performing? Okay.
Darius Norell
I guess. Yeah. Great. So I can make the most of the situation is okay to go to the group to get some Yeah. What else? If if Todd's commitment is, I'm gonna say to be in work to have a job? What, what else could he be doing? That's gonna support that. Continuing to be a reality and being a reality,
Harry McMullen
And maybe get clear about what kind of job he's interested in. And then open.
Darius Norell
Great. Yeah. So that's a really, really nice step. Like, yeah, we'll figure out about the kind of work I want to do what I'm up for the greater likelihood good conditions. Yeah, what else?
Henry Dewar
Networking I suppose.
Darius Norell
And can you narrow that down a bit? Like what what does that what would that mean? In practical sense? What would you do?
Henry Dewar
I guess like LinkedIn as like,
Darius Norell
What? Yeah. What would he do?
Henry Dewar
I'm no LinkedIn expert but I suppose, like, just like contacting people who, who maybe run businesses or are in the field he wants to move into?
Darius Norell
Great, so he could he could connect with people maybe start being a bit more active on LinkedIn, commenting on posts or so on. But yeah, he switched jobs on there. Yeah. Lovely. What else?
Alexandra Purpura
Come to you regarding certain connections that you might have in certain fields.
Darius Norell
Yeah, absolutely. Another version of network? Resource right in front of you, you could you could tap into that. Okay, see anything coming to mind?
Alexandra Purpura
I guess, seeing how other people have gotten to like the jobs he wants. And if he needs like a certain certificate, or training my staff that are really
Darius Norell
fantastic, right. So what are the particular qualifications that either will be helpful required for given they've got the clarity that Harry was suggesting? And then a lovely one is, oh, can I talk to people who are already in that career path to figure out how do they how did they get into it? Hopefully, how did those sound? Good? Yeah. Yeah. Any particular ones, grab your you think, oh, yeah, I want to do that. Or
Todd Wheatland
I'm just making sure that I enjoy what I'm doing. And obviously, how Henry was preparing to have a new job.
Darius Norell
So any questions about this idea of resolutions? It's a small it's a small but I think very subtle, but significant shift of sort of making a resolution recognising what am I already resolved about? That I'm already really strong committed to and then figuring out okay, what are the small things that I can do which are going to create a better environment for me to go carry out what I'm already resolved to. And any other questions on that?
You got the look, but you might have a question. Yeah.
Harry McMullen
I haven't formed it yet. I think what we're talking about to me feels like, what are some result about doing that? I haven't done yet. I'm wondering if this idea of recognising our resolutions can also encompass something that I already am doing. I mean, we haven't acknowledged or I don't fully appreciate.
Darius Norell
Yeah, totally. I don't think it's about having done yet. I mean, I think it's even likely that you're doing you know, likely if your result about something, you're taking some action towards it. It may not be very effective or as effective as you want them to be great and still have the my strengthened by this can be really good. It's a channel to mine of oh, okay, this is important to me, I'm making progress. And what else could I be doing around something unresolved around it's gonna build my confidence and clarity, because I'm naturally strong. Going to bring my commitment energy to it, because it's something that's important to me. So yeah, that is not just oh, I haven't started it yet. could absolutely be I'm riding my bike every day on a double my mileage Great. Let's work out how that how's that going? For example?
Okay, let's move on to habits. So you were talking about habits, that's exactly where I wanted to go. Tell us tell us what you your experience of how you've got to that and what what it means to you so that we can then
Henry Dewar
I feel when something becomes a habit, it sort of becomes effortless. And a lot of the problem with new year's resolutions is that people just jump straight into the deep end and expect too much of themselves. And they don't really can't like form that habit, and then they give up before it sort of becomes a habit. And so I just think it's the most the best way as a human because, you know, quite habitual creatures. And we love routine and that kind of thing. So this is the easiest way to do things like that we want to do.
Darius Norell
Yeah, so that'd be I'm gonna say something. And it's not it's sort of I think, I think this is sort of behind what you're saying, but didn't come out explicitly, which is the picture I have, what the picture I might have is that I'm going to switch from being a person who doesn't do something to the person who always does does the new thing, right, and there's no gap in time or space. And so when I'm not doing it, 100% of the time, that's new behaviour, I start to get disappointed or lose faith in myself or confidence. And then as you say, before, it really gets established, I give up, right? Versus this picture of, okay, how can I build a habit, which I think inherent for me is, oh, I'm going to be going from the state where I am now. And over time, I'm going to strengthen this new pathway and eventually end up but it's going to be my default, an automatic thing that I do. And along the way, it's fine. If I don't, and I'm just not even expecting the habit to be at 100% from from day one. I would just say it's much more resilient to Oh, I forgot about it. I made a mistake, or I didn't want to today. Again, great. It's just a normal part of building a habit until it becomes automatic and natural, I have a hunch is a much healthier and happier way rather than beating ourselves. I didn't do it
Harry McMullen
Hiya! Thanks for listening to this episode of What's Your Work. If you're enjoying it so far, you'll be pleased to know we record new episodes of this show every week. So head over to www.thebrilliance.co.uk. That's www.thebrilliance.co.uk to find out more about what platforms are run where you can find previous episodes and make sure you don't miss our new releases. We also have our radical employability newsletter. So if you'd like to read these things, you can sign up to our radical employability newsletter. This is where we summarise our weekly live sessions with young people on the kickstart scheme exploring the same ideas as those we cover in what's your work. So growing your long term employability concepts to consider useful practices to explore in your work and get you closer to those long term goals. So if you want to read the newsletter, you can email us. Its training@thebrilliance.co.uk. Again, that's training@thebrilliance.co.uk. Use the subject line podcast query and let us know that you want to read the newsletter we can add you to our mailing list. That's the end of the break and let's go back to the show.
Darius Norell
So a new habit that you could imagine wanting to build it. Who's got one? So what was somebody else who's got a habit on this workshop, who's got a new habit they'd like to build.
Alexandra Purpura
I feel like I already have an example, because I'm already sort of doing what great, I'm doing the Jamaica every day. And it's just do one, you have to do at least one Lesson A Day is continuous streak, unless you can spend like 30 days or something. And what I like is that I can, it's just a 10 minute session, I don't have to spend an hour learning. But if I want to, I can do multiple different lessons that I can build up one day, you know, it's not having just that I have to do X amount of things every single day that come with a burden is 10 minutes or an hour. I like just doing that every single day and keeping it in your memory and keeping it going. has been quite fun. And also, it's a social thing as well. So you've got people and you can see how they're going. So it makes it easier to kind of voice off counsel hold each other accountable in that sense. So yeah, yeah.
Darius Norell
Well, I've been lovely example, as you can imagine, there's a huge amount of science that goes into how do we make this as easy as possible for a habit to get, right. And he touched on a whole bunch of them, which is short by outsiders, not too onerous. It's fun as a huge one, like when we actually do the habit we come away feeling happy about Yeah. Sometimes we have to force that kind of like, oh, yeah, that was fun to do. I'm happy I did that. space to do more if you want to, but there's no requirements. So it doesn't suddenly get all heavy. It's not like I started 10 minutes a day. Now I've got to do an hour a day to keep my streak running. Lovely example. So is there is there a new habit that someone's got that they'd like to build? Let's do a quick kind of work workshop on it.
Harry McMullen
I'm trying the classic wake up earlier.
Darius Norell
Great.
Harry McMullen
Yeah, it's been - I've had a lot of different experiences. Okay, I want to change the way I eat and exercise and spend my time. And then the one that I always come back to find difficult is changing my sleep habits. I've actually found waking up early, is not as difficult but the sleeping earlier to make that work, I find difficult to get to sleep to facilitate.
Darius Norell
So let me let me play it back in a little bit of a facetious way. I find getting up is fine. It's the going to bed that's difficult. To help me get up. Yeah, but the getting up is fine.
Harry McMullen
Yeah. Because I think I want the early morning, I want the morning hours that I get when I wake up. But I don't want to give up the hours that I use when I go to sleep. So I have this paradox of, if I set an alarm and it goes off and I wake up then I get what I want because I'm earlier but the thing is all about the exhausted unless I get more sleep, so I'll go to bed earlier tonight. And that of course because I don't want to go to bed earlier I just want to be able to get up and get as much.
So you want to have less sleep well part of you wants to have less sleep.
A part of me is willing to accept having less sleep but then I'm exhausted, which results in me performing less well in work etc. Because then I'm irritable and all that.
Darius Norell
So it's I mean, there's great support of building and you have is working out what does I want a new habit to be. So there's some energy of I want to build this habit of getting up early. There's part of you that doesn't want to go to bed any earlier. And there's part of you that does because you can see there's an impact of on your mood and performance if you don't. So, what's the choice that you want to make in terms of the habit that you want to build if you think about how you'd like your life to be
Harry McMullen
so I just realised that the length of time is taking me to answer that it's telling me something. And yeah, I want to have my days start earlier, finish earlier, because I use my time well, during the day. I don't use it well, later in the day. So yeah, I also know, maybe there's two things. I also know that I don't sleep enough, generally like making the most of my time, I think is the route into which get mostly get up early and again to leave early and all falls.
Darius Norell
So it seems with some just checking in with yourself that actually the dominant pieces, I want to use my time well, and that means getting up early. Yeah. And therefore going to bed. Yeah. Okay. And do you have a time in mind that you feel clearer? And I'm like, yeah, that meets my definition of getting up early.
Harry McMullen
Yeah, seven o'clock?
Darius Norell
For some people - I'm doing my best to keep I still balanced, neutral face. It's very, very reasonable. Seven o'clock. Okay. And how much is a shift? Is that from where you would sort of given a free reign? Do you think you'd -
Harry McMullen
Three hours?
Darius Norell
Three hours? A day? Okay, that's quite a big, that's reasonable shift to us. That's not insignificant. Okay, so gold is 7am. And then he talks about an alarm clock. And you know, and if you just other episodes of this podcast, we've talked about not the idea of not using the alarm clock, and how is that sitting with you that you're using, and it may just be not a big thing that doesn't interest me. But I'm curious, where is it for you in terms of, I want to use one, I don't want to use one I don't care if I use one.
Harry McMullen
I'd like to not use one because I think belief I made in my head is oh, I need that alarm clock and I don't really care about what I can afford to buy right now we have a workout helpful I am not going to be like it'd be nice to not need that alarm clock because I just know I'm getting started the day like I need it.
Darius Norell
I also I also think you will wake up feeling fresher without an alarm clock, you'll wake up at a more natural point in your sleep cycle. And that has a huge amount to do with how you feel right and as research suggests that actually and the quality of your sleep that if you go and so the 90 Minute sleep cycles that if you go into get an hour 45 minutes but you're then 45 minutes into that actually is not restorative in the same way as I've been working out 45 minutes earlier and still got the same sense of healing and restoration so beautiful. So what would be helpful for me if anything in having you build this habit
Harry McMullen
I think were struggling at the moment is yeah, what I was saying about oh I know that I want those early morning hours. That's easy to kind of motivate myself to do but I'm not fully intellectually but not not feeling the link between out and then given up those kind of recreational hours in the evening. That's going to get me to where I want to be. So I don't know what's useful right now for you. But that's what I'm noticing is that's the thing I have to make the sacrifice because there are more hours in the day and it's that yeah, it's those evening hours
Darius Norell
so yeah, I mean what occurs to me as a as a as something to try it right this is all about experimenting and seeing is the point as the other bit of its habits are building habits like we're trying different things are inherent is this person Oh, yeah, that's helping me support this habit. This is right as we try different things. So I would I wonder what happens if you'd let go of trying to manage the going to sleep time and just really get clear on getting up time. So before you go to bed, whatever time it is, you set a clear intention. And it sounds like can really tap into that energy of I want to make the most of my day. I know the mornings is a really rich time for me to make the most of my day. And you know, I'd like I mean So again, you could certainly could set something's a little vague, or at least not grounded in time, which is, I want to wake up at a time to help you make the most of the day, right and see what your brain and body system makes up that and see what time you get up. Or, again, lightly, but clearly, like, I want to make the most of the day and seven o'clock appears to me to be a good time and see what happens. And then if you, if you keep playing that this was the key thing, stop, just repeat that piece. And then just see if something different happens at the backend, at some point, maybe after a week or two of Oh, yeah, if given I know this is important to you, that means this is now going to be different, but I just met rather than having to fight, I want to stay up or I don't want to stay up, your system will adjust. So it just becomes natural to go to bed at a time that's going to get you up at the time that you're intending because that's the message you're sending to your brain. And your body is this is this is important to me.
Harry McMullen
I like what I'm hearing is to not try and force this thing that I think that I need based on. Yeah, so just focus on that piece that's motivated me and see what happens to counterbalance that rather than channel four. So I need to balance that because
Darius Norell
this allow the piece that's really clear to you and energising to be predominant and that the other things adjust to fall into place or not. And then review, by this way you keep you know, irrespective of it might get a bit tired. In the transition period, things aren't going to be perfect. Just staying with the practice, and allowing other things to adjust and just be interested to see, okay, well, what gets what I just said.
Right. Any other questions on habit?
Alexandra Purpura
Don't have a question.
Darius Norell
All right. Let's Yeah, I mean, we'll do that here. For today. Let's think about a habit that you want to build. Right? As Henry was saying, it's a way to make life really easy for yourself, build something in, which just becomes effortless, because it's just something that you do every day. And, you know, give a really random example, I've started riding my bike into work a different way. And I'm amazed how much it's already changed in my mindset, even just going in different ways of work. Which wasn't, which wasn't my intention, even though that was going to be a benefit of it. But yeah, so I'm increasing the length of time rather trying to go take the very shortest route, I'm going a different route, which is relatively longer, much more enjoyable. And building that in just just having that beat. And so I'm still having to think about it in the sense of, because I've got a deep habit of going in right out of the door sort of left now. So it's still like I can feel a little bit of choice, which I go right, I don't actually want to go the shortest route anymore, but it's still a little bit of a moment of pause because the first thing to do is go for quite a big hill you know, there's no sort of get warmed up or maybe go this way and then decide it's okay, it's a real clear get going because really steep hill and at some point that will become the default Oh, that's just how I go doesn't mean I can't choose to go the other way. But that the norm that habit, and then I've got that this benefit built into free every day of going that way and then also coming on that way, which is going to tripling the amount of time I'm spending on my way every day. And giving me those benefits was a huge win for a really simple, small tweak. Okay, with that thank you so much.
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