The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
Based on the work of Helen Guinness
“If you always do what you always did, you’ll always get what you always got.”
We discussed in a previous post how 80% of what the voice in our head has to say is negative (or contains negative language), and that much of it comes from input we have received earlier in life. This input, which we call Feedback, represents the first stage of a cycle called The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy.
Feedback, or the raw data we get from what we hear, causes us to make Decisions and form Beliefs about ourselves. These Decisions can easily change - “I decided to apply for that job, but on reflection I’m deciding not to apply instead” - but Beliefs can be far more difficult to shift. “I’m never going to be good enough to do that job” would be one example.
Once we have Decisions and Beliefs, they form the basis of Self-Talk. This is the content that the voice in your head comes out with - for example, “Why are you applying for that job? You’ll never be good enough to do it.” And it’s Self-Talk which drives our Actions - in this case, not submitting your job application - which produce Results. And usually, these Results justify our Beliefs; “I didn’t get the job, because I’ll never be good enough to do it.” This is why we call it The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy: whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.
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So what happens when you’re right? Well, for most of us, there’s a deep-seated need to be right, that comes from the survival mode of our brain. Centuries ago, it was important to be right about things like, “I think that’s a leopard over there, and we should run away.” Society has largely moved beyond this point, but the programming in our brains is still catching up.
With the Self-Fulfilling Prophecy, we find ourselves creating Results in order to be right about our Beliefs. It may be that you actually need to fail, or give up on your goals, in order to be right about your Belief that you can’t succeed. But the feeling of being right is a hollow victory. One example of this is when people find themselves in arguments and quip-offs on social media. I know when I have fallen into this trap in the past, I’ve never been left feeling nourished or fulfilled at the end of it. Have you?
It’s this feedback loop that leads to what’s called limiting beliefs. One way of understanding this phrase is to use the framework we’re presenting here: you may have a Belief about yourself that means there’s a limit on what you can achieve. For example, “I believe that I am not naturally athletic, so I’ll never be able to run a marathon.” And that Belief can drive your Actions, which may be to ignore any opportunities to exercise and improve your technique and start off with a 10k, and ultimately the Result is that you haven’t ever run a marathon - which justifies your Belief.
But there’s another interpretation of a limiting belief, which is grounded in being realistic about your limits. “I believe that I was born with low social skills, so I will pursue a career in roles with minimal social interaction.” That may seem a smart and realistic course of action, and maybe it is.
Yet there’s also an element of choice. If it’s your choice to never grow your social skills, great - acting in accordance with what’s important to you is a very favourable practice. But if that’s not a choice you’re making, and rather something that’s happening to you - pull back. Reflect, and ask yourself questions. “Am I choosing this? What would I choose if I could? And why can’t I?”
Because while limits do exist, so does change. So does progress. So does growth. A quick Google of the Paralympic Games will tell you that so much is possible, no matter how challenging the situation is.
Believing that another way is possible, and continually asking yourself questions - that is how you can disrupt the cycle and forge a new path ahead.
Many thanks to Helen Guinness, who introduced this topic and created the helpful diagram pictured above. You can find her at helenguinness.com
